The following was posted to Reddit by user IHeartStuffLegoFluff and I felt it was worth it to re-share:
Ladies, if you ever ask, “Was it assault,” chances are it was. Did you say no at any point? It was assault. Did you indicate at any point you didn’t want something to happen? It was assault. Did you end up just laying back and taking it? It was still assault.
Ladies, just because you are the cause of his boner doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it. Just because you’re also horny doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it. Both of you can take care of yourself.
It’s almost 2023. Remember the Me Too movement? Just because it’s not in the news or on social media doesn’t make it less reliving or important. Can we please get it together?
Note: over all, we have gotten better over the years, but I still see many young women asking this question and I felt the need to stand up and say something.
For the ladies
As someone that is on r/Sex on a daily basis, I see this exact thing every day. Many women ask the question “Was I assaulted” or “Was I raped”. It really should be pretty clear. If you did something against your will and that you didn’t consent to, then yes, it is assault.
One the other hand, just because you didn’t enjoy it, regret it later, or showed no signs that you weren’t interested, or even actually agreed to do something, then it isn’t technically assault.
The key takeaway here is that there should be clear and concise signs of consent. If you do not want to do something, then say no. You need to make your consent clear with either an enthusiastic yes, or a definitive no. If you agree to do something, even if you actually don’t want to, then you gave consent. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to do.
For the men
Dudes, let’s get serious here. Pressuring someone to do something is not ok. Trying to guilt someone into any sex act is sexual assault and is not right. just because you are horny, does not mean that anyone has to take care of you. If you want something, ask for it, and if you do not get an enthusiastic yes, then assume the answer is no. Respecting your partner and their boundaries is critical for a successful and happy relationship. If you aren’t absolutely positive that your partner is giving you an enthusiastic yes, then double-check, ask are you sure?
Bear in mind that sexual assault is no joke. If you are convicted of assault, this can haunt you for your entire life. In the US, you can end up on the registered sex offender list and be harassed by neighbors, have problems getting a job, and lose the respect of everyone you know. Let’s be better than that.
If we can understand what is sexual assault, and be able to recognize consent, and the lack of consent, then we can avoid many problems, traumas, and complications. Everyone needs to provide consent for everything, and everyone needs to be able to speak up and say no if you don’t want to do something. Finally, we all need to recognize the signs of assault and stop it before it escalates.
Come join the discussion on Reddit at r/SexyFunAdvice